The Father Wound

For most of my life, my father has not been the greatest of fathers. Physically, he was present, had a roof over my head, clothes I needed, food in my stomach, but that lasted until I was 18. After my parents divorced, he didn't care if I had a house to live in or how I was going to pay for food or clothes, let alone for college. After my long term relationship with my boyfriend at the time ended (6 years together), when I was 24, I went on a destructive path. I needed to feel validation from men and I sought it, whatever way it came in. To me, men were only good for one thing, and I would make sure I got it. I would be in "relationships" with these men, but not really committing myself to them, until one "relationship" was so toxic that I started to question God and myself, how I would allow my life to get this far. I would drink and do drugs with this guy and I swore to myself long ago that I would "never be one of those girls." 

After I accepted Christ into my life, the Lord showed me that not only was I hurt but so was my father. Because my father didn't have his own father growing up (my grandfather would reject him as his own son and didn't recognize him as such), he didn't learn to be one. My father didn't have role models to show him to be a loving husband to my mom or a loving father to us kids. And I didn't have a good father figure to show me that I should be loved and cherished and valued as the most beloved treasure there is, because that is how God sees me. I have come to a point where I know my earthly father is nowhere near my Heavenly Father, and the distinction is crystal clear. I can count, trust, and seek my Heavenly Father. I can depend on my Heavenly Father for everything and anything.  That is the prayer I pray for everyone: To trust, to seek, to obey, and to love Jesus Christ as He is the one who will heal your wounds and bring you in right standing with Him.  



Phillip Allen